Sta.sh
I guess it's only fair that since I got the group running and shit that I explain why I haven't been as... I guess perky as I usually am. Lizzy noticed in my artist's comments, Enya was told through my notes, etc. etc.
It's not the same I'm feeling sick deal, but I guess that's part of it. I've been really psychologically and emotionally unstable lately. I won't go into detail, but I have been crying. A lot. It's gotten really bad to the point that I urgently have to see my social worker on monday.
Because of these recent turn of events, I might end up going into an inpatient treatment-- I have no idea where yet. But the thing is-- group sessions are nice and everything, but I really need intensive one-on-one counseling. The Dean said it, my school therapist said it (I can't go to him since I'm technically not a student this semester), my mom said it, and my social worker said it.
So yeah, the instability's the reason behind all of this, the thoughts of... I won't go into detail, have made matters worse.
It's gotten to the point where I can't even work on my own projects without giving up halfway through, which is why I'm shocked I even got the group started up.
Today's my mom's birthday, but she's spending most of it sleeping. :c
I managed to bake her a cake and I am making some dinner, which trust me is a lot more than I thought I'd do because I just haven't been feeling it lately.
I've been going back and forth between whether I should just give up on running the OCT. A lot of people are telling me that if I feel uncomfortable with running it, then I should call it off. But for some reason, I can't help but feel obliged to do this. Like... I /have/ to run this thing because I envision it a certain way and people will get mad at me if I say "Iiii can't do this", blah blah blah.
It's literally tearing me apart, but I'd feel embarrassed to mention it to my social worker because... I don't know.
I'm afraid of being judged.
I guess things are this shitty for a reason, but for some reason or another, I can't shake the feeling that I deserve this kind of internal conflict.
*siiiiiiigh* That aside, how's life treating you guys?
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No one would mind if you canceled the OCT because they will understand that you are going through some health issues. You can always reschedule it, and reopen it when you're feeling better.
You're a sweet person who does things for others, do something for yourself as well-you deserve it.
Never feel embarrassed about talking to others, like you're social worker, about what you're going through.
If you need anyone else to talk to, just let me know.
Hope you'll feel better, Sis!
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I do hope that if I do have to put the competition on hold no one will have a problem; thank you so much for the reassurance and the compliments. <:3 <33
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"NOT EVEN TERRY CAN CHANGE MY STATUS <33"
*Skis<3
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BRIT AND ENYA ARE BRAINWASHED; CORRUPTION IS FOR SHEEP. >:c
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aw olive olive olive
mew ;w; and if the oct is really getting you down there is no shame in letting it rest for a bit >w< everyone will understand D: its ok really dear >w< rawwwwrr i reallly do wish there was something i could do for you :< anything? mew ;w;
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An imagination is a powerful tool. It can tint memories of the past, shade perceptions of the present, or paint a future so vivid that it can entice...or terrify, all depending upon how we conduct ourselves today....
-Jim Davis
I appreciate your kindness, darlin', that's all I need. <:3 <3 *hug*
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"NOT EVEN TERRY CAN CHANGE MY STATUS <33"
*Skis<3
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BRIT AND ENYA ARE BRAINWASHED; CORRUPTION IS FOR SHEEP. >:c
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An imagination is a powerful tool. It can tint memories of the past, shade perceptions of the present, or paint a future so vivid that it can entice...or terrify, all depending upon how we conduct ourselves today....
-Jim Davis
Besides, they cannot help you if you keep things in. You need to speak out- not for them, but for yourself.
And no one deserves an internal conflict, but it does happen to us all. Don't think you deserve. It's a no-no thought that doesn't do any good. :c
I hope that things will get at least a little better for you when you get the real help that you really need, and remember- it just has to be really bad before it can turn really good.
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...in your pants.
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Mitt modersmål är svenska, but I speak english quite well .et je parle un peu le français!
Excusez-moi si mon français est mauvais, c'est ma troisième langue.
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I´ve claimed Fujimori Sunao at ~bishie-stalker-club!
I do have a bad habit of hiding my feelings and i think i know where it came from. regardless, i got to talk to my therapist today. it felt refreshing, but later today something happened that made me freak out.
karma hates me, but i'm so glad you and the others are supportive. ;-;
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"NOT EVEN TERRY CAN CHANGE MY STATUS <33"
*Skis<3
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BRIT AND ENYA ARE BRAINWASHED; CORRUPTION IS FOR SHEEP. >:c
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Good luck with the theraphy and group. Plus, if it puts too much pressure on you, I think you should call it off regardless of what others would say.
And happy birthday to your mom
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"Life's full of surprises, but not all of them are wrapped in colorful papers and bright ribbons."
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"NOT EVEN TERRY CAN CHANGE MY STATUS <33"
*Skis<3
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BRIT AND ENYA ARE BRAINWASHED; CORRUPTION IS FOR SHEEP. >:c
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Ugh... And I can't imagine all that other stuff... Good luck, mate. But I'm sure you can get better. ^_^ I mean, you have all kinds of support here, and at home too as far as I can tell...
I don't know... The OCT might help you keep your mind off it, but...
My life has been disappointingly normal, unfortunately. Xl
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Till Hell Freezes Over
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X*Y=?, where truth is X and reality is Y.